Wandering, But Not Lost

Let me set the scene. I’m sitting outside of Casa Dos Dois, the local bar with wifi access. I’m sitting on the patio; chacos, jeans and a light blue button down untucked. The sun is out, a slight breeze, with a few cottonball clouds drifting lazily along. I’m sitting with 5 other friends, as we check out the internet during our 2 hour lunch break. I got out of class early this morning, and therefore got to eat my lunch early. I’ve been reading a book about three UN peacekeepers, and I read a particularly meaningful passage.

The three main characters helped in the Cambodian elections in the 90’s, and were preparing to leave. They spoke of their former lives, before becoming peacekeepers. They did so little in the grand scheme of the election, but were part of something so huge. And through that knowledge that they had been part of it drastically changed their future lives; they couldn’t really go back to the states and back to their old lives. They talk of the risks, and the rewards. One character writes “The larger the threat, the more profound the doubts, the deeper you have to dig to find faith and conquer your fears.”

That’s what I want. That’s what I’m looking for. Granted, I might not be in the midst of a violent transition to democracy like these three were in Cambodia, but I’m searching for the same thing. I want to find that point where I have doubts, where I have to dig deep to get through the day, the term, the year. That’s when I find I’m most alive.

And I’m getting close to that here in Mozambique. Everyday (nearly) I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing here, in a country where I don’t know the cultural norms, nor even the language. I don’t know how to teach a class. And I’m absolutely loving it. Days like today are the ones I live for.

Filling the water jug outside of the Science Hub.